On Getting a Bank Account
To do just about anything in the UK, you need an address and a bank account. To get a bank account, you need an address so we got that out of the way last month. After we settled in, my roommate Jens (pronounced “Yens”) and I went to the Barclay’s Bank in Hatton Cross to open an account. Here’s a run down of the visits:
- Mid-June, Hatton X Barclay’s – Jens swings by on his own to see if they would open an account for him with a passport and a statement of employment from BA. The manager informs him that he needs a utility bill or other proof of address. Fair enough.
- One Day Later, Hatton X – Jens and I walk in with our Council tax bill to open our accounts with the same manager Jens had spoken to. Unfortunately, the bill has misspelt my last name. Jens gets his bank account, however, so at least one of us can pay rent next month.
- One Week Later, Hatton X – The name correction I requested has come through and I receive the new bill. I go into the branch and find the manager on the phone so I speak to a different representative. He looks at my paperwork and explains that I need a paid utility bill with a stamp on the bill. I gently, very politely, queried him on how I should go about paying this bill. “You can get a stamp by mailing them a cheque,” he replied me. I gave him a look that I feel was probably conveying equal portions of confusion and incredulity though I couldn’t be sure because the bank representative didn’t have a mirror. He did attempt to read my expression as he began, “I understand that it’s very difficult -” “DIFFICULT? Bloody impossible! How do I pay a bill to get a bank account without a bank account?” I eventually got the manager, explaining that my colleague had just opened an account the week before with the same bill. At first, the manager was going to allow it but when the representative pointed out that it was an unpaid bill, she explained how it was an oversight. Yet somehow, she couldn’t just repeat this oversight? I told them I was taking my money elsewhere, took my documents and stormed out.
- One Hour Later, BA – Adding insult to injury, Jens tells me he received a call from the manager requesting to close his account because it was opened in error. He asked what they would do if he had money in the account and essentially told her to take her oversight and fuck herself with it.
- One week Later, Earl’s Ct Barclay’s – It turns out I can pay my bill by cash at the Barclay’s branch at BA so I did so. Although I had originally sworn to do business with HSBC or another bank because of the Incident, I compromised and went to a different branch. I figured I could swallow some dignity for the possible convenience of having a branch of my bank at the office I work. Later, I was told there were no benefits as they can do virtually nothing from branches that are not your home branch but we soon learn that point is irrelevant. A bank rep is almost immediately available and I present my documentation – passport and paid water bill. She looks over the documents, pauses …
and pauses …
“Do you have anything else?”
“What else do you need?”
“We require a paid bill for the last 3 months.”
“3 Months?!?!”
“Yes, sir.”
“3 months …”
“Yes, sir.”
“Your Hatton X branch told me I just needed the one.”
“We need a quarter’s worth to prove your residency.”
“You expect me to not have a bank account for 3 months?”
“I understand it is difficult”At which point, I displayed super-human restraint and again, quietly, gently, politely, asked in a most civil and proper manner, “Does your bank just want me to take my money elsewhere?” She replied evenly, “you can try NatWest next door but they will probably tell you the same thing. It’s because of 9-11 and added security, sir.” Oh 9-11; that explains all the security. Nevermind that I had a mind to perform some terrorist activity on Barclay’sbecause of the said security (I imagine I’ve triggered some government sniff/spyware now). In the end, I took her advice and consulted the sane.
- Half an hour later, NatWest Earl’s Ct – I walked next door, presented the documentation, and had an account open after an hour.
7 Comments